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This is how I heard it...

Posted by bdk on Tue May 14, 2002 06:56:45 PM

In reply top Off topic but funny - Maintenance Problems in the USAF posted by Scott WRG Editor on Tue May 14, 2002 11:13:36 AM

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QUANTAS
pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way
Quantas
is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P stands for
the
problem the pilots entered in the log. S stands for the corrective action
taken by the mechanics. * P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement. * S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. * P: Test flight
OK, except autoland very rough. * S: Autoland not installed on this
aircraft. * P: Something loose in cockpit. * S: Something tightened in
cockpit. * P: Dead bugs on windshield. * S: Live bugs on backorder!! * P:
Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. * S: Cannot
reproduce problem on ground. * P: Evidence of leak on right main landing
gear. * S: Evidence removed. * P: DME volume unbelievably loud. * S: DME
volume set to more believable level. *P: Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick. *S: That?s what they?re there for! *P: IFF inoperative.
*S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. * P: Suspected crack in
windscreen.
* S: Suspect you?re right. *P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was
for
a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running
smoothly). *S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. *P:
Aircraft
handles funny. *S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious. *P: Radar hums. *S: Reprogrammed radar with words. *P: Mouse in
cockpit. *S: Cat installed.

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