WIX Archives

"High Flight"...FAA supplement

Posted by Lynn on Fri Mar 05, 2004 06:32:51 AM

Just had this posted on another board I run... still LMAO at this one. :)


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High Flight -FAA Supplement

Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before aircraft taxi or flight is attempted. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulder belts as provided. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Federal Aviation Administration inspectors. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred. "Hov'ring there" will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local FSS. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to the FAA and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility. Aircraft operating in the high untrespassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorological conditions and visibility. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.


Marty Hall
Fairbanks, Alaska
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